All those women with guns pictures, David Spade

David Spade in bed

I don't know how I happened to have so many pictures of women with guns saved on my computer, but some of the pictures were interesting. That last entry, though, should have stuck with one picture. That one of the women sitting on the porch holding their household weapons, a bat, a knife, what looked like a BB gun and what I assume was a firearm of some kind.

I listened the other day to David Spade interviewed on Marc Maron's WTF podcast. Turns out that Spade had some history with firearms. His mother would drop him and his brothers off in the desert with their guns, they would spend a few hours shooting helpless animals and objects, then she would pick them up hours later several miles away. It was in the days before cell phones, Spade noted, so if they ever accidentally shot themselves or each other, it would have taken hours to get help.

In the year 2000, Spade had a personal assistant who became intensely envious of Spade's wealth and fame. He took some drugs, entered Spade's house at night and entered his bedroom, attacked him, shot him with a stun gun then brutally beat him. Spade ran outside. The guy chased him and attacked him again. Spade managed to run back inside. He remembered he had a shotgun under his bed.

I don't remember how the rest of it went, but no one got shot and it was far more harrowing than I'm making it out to be.

This was in the news when it happened, but I was oblivious to it.

Some might conclude that you'd be well-advised to keep a shotgun under your bed like David Spade. But police said that the guy knew Spade had the shotgun---he had planned to incapacitate him with the stun gun then murder him with the shotgun and then kill himself.

The thing that would have saved Spade would be locking his bedroom door at night. Would have slowed the guy down getting in. It would gave woken him up and he could have called 9-1-1 and locked himself in the master bath while the fellow was breaking the door down.

Would have been a less-interesting anecdote, though.

You should close your door at night anyway so you don't die of smoke inhalation if there's a fire.

And, if you're prone to violence, desperately wish that you were a wealthy celebrity, don't handle drugs well and are emotionally unstable, don't become a personal assistant to a TV star.

The guy named Skippy in court for trying to murder David Spade.