BBC's top hundred movies directed by women

The BBC polled film critics and it may just be that they're as dumb as the rest of us. I know there aren't many women directors, but it's worse than I thought when Big, Sleepless in Seattle and Fast Times at Ridgemont High make it onto the top 100 list of movies directed by women.

Remember when Barbra Streisand fans were outraged that she didn't get an Oscar for Yentl? Nothing she directed made the list.

Agnes Varda passed away this year. Some of the streaming channels focused in her movies which may be part of the reason why she's as prominent on the list as she is.

I heard it suggested that directing is so male-dominated that we should stop focusing on directors. They're not ALL auteurs. George Lucas's wife was the editor who saved Star Wars from her husband's incompetence and people suspected that Peter Bogdanovich's ex-wife Polly Platt was responsible for any of his successes. Those "New Hollywood" guys were terrible sexists who thought their wives should give up their careers to be their helpmeets.

I was just thinking about Harlan County, USA, a few minutes before I came across the list, and last night I tried watching another Czech New Wave movie from the '60's or '70's and thought about how much I disliked Daisies, 

For some reason I put the ones I've seen in bold, but I can't imagine it's of any interest to anyone but me. Some of those things I watched thirty years ago just because they were on TV or I got dragged off to them or someone else wanted to watch them on TV. Please don't judge me too harshly.


100. The Kids are All Right (Lisa Cholodenko, 2010)
99. The Souvenir (Joanna Hogg, 2019)
98. Somewhere (Sofia Coppola, 2010)
97. Adoption (Márta Mészáros, 1975)
96. The Meetings of Anna (Chantal Akerman, 1977)
95. Ritual in Transfigured Time (Maya Deren, 1946)
94. News From Home (Chantal Akerman, 1977)
93. Red Road (Andrea Arnold, 2006)
92. Raw (Julia Ducournau, 2016)
91. White Material (Claire Denis, 2009)
90. Fast Times at Ridgemont High (Amy Heckerling, 1982)
89. The Beaches of Agnes (Agnès Varda, 2008)
88. The Silences of the Palace (Moufida Tlatli, 1994)
87. 35 Shots of Rum (Claire Denis, 2008)
86. Wadjda (Haifaa Al-Mansour, 2012)
85. One Sings, The Other Doesn’t (Agnès Varda, 1977)
84. Portrait of Jason (Shirley Clarke, 1967)
83. Sleepless in Seattle (Nora Ephron, 1993)
82. At Land (Maya Deren, 1944)
81. A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night (Ana Lily Amirpour, 2014)
80. Big (Penny Marshall, 1988)
79. Shoes (Lois Weber, 1916)
78. The Apple (Samira Makhmalbaf, 1998)
77. Tomboy (Céline Sciamma, 2011)
76. Girlhood (Céline Sciamma, 2014)
75. Meek’s Cutoff (Kelly Reichardt, 2010)
74. Chocolat (Claire Denis, 1988)
73. On Body and Soul (Ildikó Enyedi, 2017)
72. Europa Europa (Agnieszka Holland, 1980)
71. The Seashell and the Clergyman (Germaine Dulac, 1928)
70. Whale Rider (Niki Caro, 2002)
69. The Connection (Shirley Clarke, 1961)
68. Eve’s Bayou (Kasi Lemmons, 1997)
67. The German Sisters (Margarethe von Trotta, 1981)
66. Ratcatcher (Lynne Ramsay, 1999)
65. Leave no Trace (Debra Granik, 2018)
64. The Rider (Chloe Zhao, 2017)
63. Marie Antoinette (Sofia Coppola, 2006)
62. Strange Days (Kathryn Bigelow, 1995)
61. India Song (Marguerite Duras, 1975)
60. A League of their Own (Penny Marshall, 1992)
59. The Long Farewell (Kira Muratova, 1971)
58. Desperately Seeking Susan (Susan Seidelman, 1985)
57. The Babadook (Jennifer Kent, 2014)
56. 13th (Ava DuVernay, 2016)
55. Monster (Patty Jenkins, 2003)
54. Bright Star (Jane Campion, 2009)
53. The Headless Woman (Lucrecia Martel, 2008)
52. Happy as Lazzaro (Alice Rohrwacher, 2018)
51. Harlan County, USA (Barbara Kopple, 1976)
50. Outrage (Ida Lupino, 1950)
49. Salaam Bombay! (Mira Nair, 1988)
48. The Asthenic Syndrome (Kira Muratova, 1989)
47. An Angel at my Table (Jane Campion, 1990)
46. Near Dark (Kathryn Bigelow, 1987)
45. Triumph of the Will (Leni Riefenstahl, 1935)
44. American Honey (Andrea Arnold, 2016)
43. The Virgin Suicides (Sofia Coppola, 1999)
42. The Adventures of Prince Achmed (Lotte Reiniger, 1926)
41. Capernaum (Nadine Labaki, 2018)
40. Boys Don’t Cry (Kimberly Peirce, 1999)
39. Portrait of a Lady on Fire (Céline Sciamma, 2019)
38. Paris is Burning (Jennie Livingston, 1990)
37. Olympia (Leni Riefenstahl, 1938)
36. Wendy and Lucy (Kelly Reichardt, 2008)
35. The Matrix (Lana and Lilly Wachowski, 1999)
34. Morvern Callar (Lynne Ramsay, 2002)
33. You Were Never Really Here (Lynne Ramsay, 2017)
32. The Night Porter (Liliana Cavani, 1974)
31. The Gleaners and I (Agnès Varda, 2000)
30. Zama (Lucrecia Martel, 2017)
29. Monsoon Wedding (Mira Nair, 2001)
28. Le Bonheur (Agnès Varda, 1965)
27. Selma (Ava DuVernay, 2014)
26. Stories we Tell (Sarah Polley, 2012)
25. The House is Black (Forugh Farrokhzad, 1963)
24. Lady Bird (Greta Gerwig, 2017)
23. The Hitch-Hiker (Ida Lupino, 1953)
23. We Need to Talk About Kevin (Lynne Ramsay, 2011)
21. Winter’s Bone (Debra Granik, 2010)
20. Clueless (Amy Heckerling, 1995)
19. Orlando (Sally Potter, 1992)
18. American Psycho (Mary Harron, 2000)
17. Seven Beauties (Lina Wertmüller, 1975)
16. Wanda (Barbara Loden, 1970)
15. The Swamp (Lucrecia Martel, 2001)
14. Point Break (Kathryn Bigelow, 1991)
13. Vagabond (Agnès Varda, 1985)
12. Zero Dark Thirty (Kathryn Bigelow, 2012)
11. The Ascent (Larisa Shepitko, 1977)
10. Daughters of the Dust (Julie Dash, 1991)
9. Fish Tank (Andrea Arnold, 2009)
8. Toni Erdmann (Maren Ade, 2016)
7. The Hurt Locker (Kathryn Bigelow, 2008)
6. Daisies (Věra Chytilová, 1966)
5. Lost in Translation (Sofia Coppola, 2003)
4. Beau Travail (Claire Denis, 1999)
3. Jeanne Dielman, 23 Quai du Commerce, 1080 Bruxelles (Chantal Akerman, 1975)
2. Cléo from 5 to 7 (Agnès Varda, 1962)
1. The Piano (Jane Campion, 1993)

E.T. was an objectively bad movie

I wrote my ET anecdote in the last entry. Then I looked at the news this morning and it turns out that Comcast made a two minute commercial using the hideous space alien and a now middle aged Elliott (ElliotT--get it?)

In the movie, ET had latched onto Elliott and was keeping himself alive by sucking the life force out of him. He was murdering Elliott. That's why Elliott and ET were both dying. Elliott's entire family could have been wiped out and it wouldn't have affected his health---why would he be on the brink of death because he loved his new space alien friend so much?

If they really wanted to capture the flavor of the original movie, ET would keep revealing new super powers even if they made no sense. If he could fly, why didn't he do that in the first place?

I have to be careful who I say this to. I have a six-year-old neighbor who was named after Elliott, even though, in the movie, Elliott's parents were divorced and his father long gone.

The Irishman

It's like the time my sister forced us all to watch E.T. She had seen it and thought it was the most deeply moving experience of her life. When it was over, she asked my brother what he thought.

"It's just like all those other movies," he said.

Which is how I feel sitting here with The Irishman on Netflix.

It's just like all those other movies.

I don't think the digital de-aging was that bad, but why not just hire younger actors? Give someone else a turn.

The Fugitive being remade

I never liked The Fugitive, the TV show or the movie. It was one of those shows where a guy travels from place and place and helps people with their problems. The movie with Harrison Ford had to skip all that and just remade the pilot and the series finale. He escapes from the train taking him to prison and -- SPOILER ALERT -- finds the real killer.

Now they're doing a remake.

If they want to make a movie that's REALLY based on the TV show, they'll skip the origin story and have the Fugitive appear in a small Peyton Place-like town where he begins helping everyone solve their emotional problems. That way, they can do sequels.

In fact, instead of an escaped surgeon, he should be a psychiatrist who's been wrongly convicted of killing his wife. And to ease the main character's psychic pain, they should make it clear that his wife was a horrible person and that he's better off without her even if he has to be a fugitive.

The origin story isn't that interesting. They could cover it during the opening credits, or not even that. Just state it on the movie poster. People can read it on the way in.

But it sounds like the only thing they're going to do different is make Dr Richard Kimble an African-American.

Ryan Reynolds, Fifteen

I still haven't seen Ryan Reynolds in anything but the teenage soap opera Fifteen, the least operatic soap opera imaginable. It was a weekly show on Canadian TV and on Nickelodeon.

The main things I remember about him---there was the time his character was kicked out of a band because of his poor drumming, and an episode where he says, "Go ahead! Hit me! If it'll make you feel like a BIG MAN!"

Much like Saddam Hussein's last words. The group gathered to witness his execution were a rather vocal in their approval. "Do you feel like men?" Hussein shouted. Made up a little for his pitiful surrender.

Hussein's tween grandson picked up an AK47 and started shooting when Uday and Qusay were killed. The poor boy was killed immediately, but he didn't come crawling out of his spider hole begging them not to shoot like his grandfather did.

But I'm way off the subject.

Fifteen was awful, but it could have used elements of its awfulness to it's advantage.

There was an episode where a kid who had never shown any sign that there was anything wrong with him announces that he's going into treatment for alcoholism. He talks blandly about his shame at being an alcoholic.

"Now that I'm an alcoholic..."

It was so easy. That axiom writers keep spouting---"Show don't tell"----meant nothing. They could have effortlessly done anything, any crazy plot twist, just by having a kid say it.

"A therapist convinced me I had repressed memories of satanic abuse, so I falsely accused my parents. Now my Mom is in a prison gang and wants to get even with me. And it turns out my foster parents really are Satanists but no one will believe me. Sort of a boy who cried wolf thing."

But I don't remember any conflict or drama. I saw one kid from the show later in a TV docudrama about Amy Fisher and I saw on IMDb.com that a few of the kids went on to bigger things on Canadian TV, but nothing came of it for most of them, poor devils.

I just googled it. Season One is available on Amazon Prime.

Dragnet vs Trackdown

It's weird how influential Dragnet was in the 1950's. Even TV westerns tried to be Dragnet-like. One such show was Trackdown starring Robert Culp as a Texas Ranger. The title and theme music were vaguely Dragnet-like. There was also a show called 26 Men based on real cases of the Arizona Rangers.

The trouble was that Dragnet was a police procedural and people in the Old West didn't have any procedures to follow. It would be like a medical drama set in the Old West. They didn't know enough for it to be of any interest.

Westerns are about ignorant people with guns who follow a simplistic moral code that they still can't understand or explain.

I watched an episode of Trackdown over the weekend. Robert Culp tries to arrest a guy who appears to be trying to break into a hotel room. The guy tries to flee. He's clearly unarmed and is trying to climb out a window, so Robert Culp shoots him. And apparently this wouldn't be a problem except it turns out to be young teenager he just killed.

The town turns against him. The narrator explains that the townspeople forgot all the times Robert Culp killed people who WEREN'T high school kids.

It doesn't really make sense, but he is somehow proven right when it turns out that the kid's father had been the criminal robbing people and the young fellow was trying to get his loot, maybe to return it, I guess. The boy's mother kills his father because she blames him for her son being killed, which also doesn't make complete sense.

In the end, the woman who runs the town newspaper (Ellen Corby) assures Robert Culp that, in a week or two, the town will forget all about him shooting a helpless unarmed teenager in the back.

Hunter Biden's a terrible degenerate

DNA has reportedly proved that Hunter Biden fathered a child in Arkansas while he was still sleeping with his dead brother's widow. In May, he secretly married a woman he'd known for week.

As I've said before, I think it's a Cain and Abel thing. Joe Biden carried on and on about his dead son, Beau---how he was the finest human being he had ever known, how he exemplified his own finest qualities and how he would make a great president one day. And there was Hunter Biden, the drug addict, listening to all this. THAT'S what made him go after his dead brother's wife.

"NOW who's the better man!" Hunter Biden probably thought.

Hunter Biden married South African Melissa Cohen ten days after they met. The have matching Hebrew tattoos. Biden's wife divorced him in part because he spent large sums of money on drugs, prostitutes and gifts for his lady friends.

“Thank you for giving my son the courage to love again,” Joseph Biden told Cohen.


There's no telling how soon they'll get divorced.

Surely Hunter Biden knows he's not helping his father's campaign.

"I got married because I thought it would help you!" Hunter will no doubt tell his father.

"How would it help me to have you marry a stranger?"

Then, in another week:

"Well, I divorced Melissa like you wanted!"

"You WHAT?"

And a week after that:

"You got nothing more to worry about! I took care of EVERYTHING!"

"What do you mean?"

"I got married again! That's what you wanted, isn't it?"

"Married to whom?"

"Doris."

"What's her last name?"

"Biden, of course."

"What was her last name before you married her?"

"I'm not sure."