Orson Welles on Woody Allen

Orson Welles at an earlier stage of life.

Okay, so this is a transcript of someone reading a transcript. On the last two episodes of the Thought Spiral podcast, they read excerpts from the book My Lunches with Orson. Henry Jaglom recorded conversations with Orson Welles.

“Don’t you know there’s such a thing as physical dislike? Europeans know that about other Europeans. I don’t like somebody’s looks, I don’t like them. See, I believe that it’s not true that different races and nations are alike. I’m profoundly convinced that’s a total lie. I think people are different. Sardinians, for example, have stubby little fingers. Bosnians have short necks.”

“Orson, that’s ridiculous.”

”Measure them! Measure them! I could never stand looking at Bette Davis so I don’t want to see her act, you see. I hate Woody Allen physically. I dislike that kind of man.”

“I’ve never understood why. Have you met him?”

“Oh yes. I could hardly bear to talk to him. He has the Chaplin disease. That particular combination of arrogance and timidity sets my teeth on edge.”

“He’s not arrogant. He’s shy.”

“He is arrogant. Like all people with timid personalities, his arrogance is unlimited. Anyone who speaks quietly and shrivels up in company is unbelievably arrogant. He acts shy but he’s not. He’s scared. He hates himself but he loves himself. A very tense situation to people like me who have to carry on and pretend to be modest.”

“Does he take himself very seriously?”

“Very seriously. I think his movies show it. To me it’s the most embarrassing thing in the world, a man who presents himself at his worst to get laughs in order to free himself from his hang-ups. Everything he does on screen is therapeutic.”

“That’s why you don’t like Fosse, either. All that Jazz.”

“Yes, that’s right. I don’t like that kind of therapeutic [unintelligible]. I’m pretty catholic in my tastes, but there are some things I can’t stand.”

“I love Woody’s movies. That we would disagree on.  We disagree on actors, too. I could never get over what you said about Brando.”

“It’s that neck. Just like a huge sausage, a shoe made of flesh.”

Henry Jaglom has his own perverse ideas about race and ethnicity. He's a devout Zionist. He became enraged that anyone would dare criticize Israel for slaughtering Jenin refugee camp.

Welles' observation that people of different races look different doesn't seem especially novel. He had a large collection of putty noses he wore in every movie so I'm sure he was very judgemental about people's appearances.

I clicked on a Henry Jaglom movie a few days ago. Turned it off a few minutes in. But the logo for his production company was a picture of Orson Welles which just seems wrong.